Hi welcome back to LnM, and to this juicy attractive title. This might help some other’s will dismiss it and continue with their old ways that’s doesn’t work. Some of the tips I share here are quoted in Alux.com YouTube video “What’s woman look for in a man , and vice versa” So if you get sometime go watch that’s it’s going to open your mind .Also Valuetainment on the topic , how to marry and who to marry. But due to demographics situations may differ so for me in South Africa I will be able to really touch on all the reasons why relationship fails that’s happens here in Africa.
- Because we don’t study from people who has successful relationships
Failing to study about this, as individuals makes us put our new partners in a hard situation. In everything you do, you need its working mindset that’s can be finance, parenting, work and so on .for you to differ from the rest you must teach yourself.
The council about relationship, shouldn’t come from your player friend, unless you want to be a player as well. And personally I have met ladies and try to date them and show them my intentions earlier because I don’t want to play and waste my time.
For a moment they understand and for some reason’s its seems like all that’s effort is a wrong move and it’s overwhelm them but until I find someone who will get what’s I’m saying I won’t anybody’s time as well as mine. You don’t get it, I politely let you go before we do something we both regrets. Failure to get advice from people who has been dating for 6 months to a year or 3 years, is a sure sign that’s you both will wing it until your relationship dies an early dearth. Then when you are ready to get married, see a pastor or anyone who has been married for a long time.
2. Because we don’t understand what’s love is
I want to be clear,I’m not saying what’s will happen in your new relationship that’s purely up to you and your partner. I’m mentioning the obvious trends that’s usually make relationships fail, other fail before they even begun and I have that’s experience firsthand. Because I am a continua’s learner I tend to know about life then my partner’s and to be honest I have my negative flaws as well but I’m working on them.
Getting back to the point ,not knowing what’s love is , I think is the number 1 problem young and old people who just started dating have. Maybe you have a different way to define love but I will make an example we will all understand. At home my mother has never once said, she loves me but I know she do then the question be how would you know your partner loves you with him/her uttering those words? The answer of real love is there. Love is a verb and verb is a doing word.
My understanding of love is you show it by doing things a lover do to the people they love. If you tell me you love me and leave me like that’s, you don’t really love me. I know others are thinking sex or being with a person in person this will differ to a gender but ladies are not impressed by sex only or mostly they want affection according to the reverend I was listening to yesterday, show them love and bond with them. Then us guys we do love making love, respect and for me personally a simple consideration on your day and how you go about things but I will expand later.
3. We date a person for wrong reason’s
I think anyone reading this subtitle can relate,it can be quite challenging having the kind of woman in our society who values material things but that’s can be a reality that’s should inspire us as man to better ourselves. On the other hand things attracts weak girls so, we shouldn’t take it to heart all of the above can make a relationship fail.
Dating for convenience is an existential suicide because what’s ever made you fall in love will always be a reminder for one another for example I found him unemployed and I was there for him till he got a job, so he can’t leave me. 1st of all if that’s was your reason to date him in the first place then that’s was a wrong reason because now you make it’s like you won a jackpot.
To us guys as well dating a person because , she can cook ,clean and wash while we chilling at a sofa is a terrible strategy that’s was used by other great grand ancestors. Today a woman who respects you and self-sufficient who you guys meets half way is a 21st century kind of woman you should aim for.
Dating someone because you lonely is also a bad move be rational a bit when getting in a relationship although feelings will take place but acting on them all the time is counterintuitive. By my standards I approached based on chemistry but I cannot always act on that’s because its might happen even if I’m in a happy relationship. Like today its happened but I couldn’t act maybe it was fear as well or place we were at but you get the point.
4 We don’t know what’s makes a good partner
It’s hard to measure a person’s mindset but that’s all there is in a good partner the way he / she thinks and looks at things. Way of talking, dealing with problems some people don’t talk or work through thing they let them pile up until someone can’t handle it anymore. Issues needs attention a good partner don’t lets things slide at the same time let you boyfriend or girlfriend have a life without you.
You don’t have to tag along all the time. Trust and be trusted and don’t do doggy things be upfront all the time and think through your words first especially if you cannot delete the message immediately on whatsapp like other partners do. I have made a rule once I have send a whatsapp I won’t delete it, I rather refrain myself because we are left curious and assume after the person has done that’s. Important person to your life should do that’s.
5. Some are not dating but just browsing
Browsing is a first step to finding a right partner and I want to indicate a mistake I have done and learn later was looking a partner just like me. I want to tell you there’s none , so reading all this just bear in mind the perfect some boys you picture won’t be yours and for a good reasons. You won’t be compatible from a person who has once dated his crush they turn out to be people after all and they have everyday problems and can stress you like every partner you meet. So bear your partner uniqueness and work with it.
Back to the point, rather be single and try to figure yourself out. If you was a problem in a previous relationship, chances you will be the same in the next one so change. I have saw people who started by being players and want to settle down, while cheating to their fiancés, it’s never ends well.
If someone is my fiancé she has a right to take any measures to make our relationship work ,so if she put spy on me say a neighbor girl ,that’s ok because that’s girl should produce a proof if not then it’s a word against hers ,but what’s if that’s is done and you are clean? That’s what’s you should aim for as a man or a woman but what’s if that’s person does the spying thing out of insecurities that’s maybe he/she is the one who is cheating? I want to encourage you don’t worry about it, this things has a funny way of showing up try to leave your life stress freely.
Because if the relationship is old or new there is always that’s what’s if, I want you to drop that’s baggage right now and set your mind free. Cause the stress will eat you alive. If your partner is still wine taste while you there and don’t seem to get better ,call it quit or do what’s will be best for you. Don’t look what’s you might be leaving behind, if it was yours you was not going to fight for it.
6. Because other’s are still hold on to old relationship’s
Usually making examples about myself, can make things clear for other. My longest relationship was 3years and you don’t just get over that’s overnight. That’s why as a person being single sometimes is not a curse but not for way too long. As you dealing with old wounds and so on, then later decide if you have healed to let someone new in your relationship.
I will suggest what’s was suggested to me and made sense , in relationship or business there are things we can never do as individuals and we cannot to it to other’s and you don’t want them to be done to you. They call it 3 non-negotiable .1st day you meet your partner he/she must know if you do this it’s over no questions asked. So maybe you want to leave me and you don’t know how to tell me, cool do one of this things.
You may know this from your previous partner or from other people. Say cheating, drinking alcohol for example. Mine was and still is alcohol, because it’s easy to lose all kinds of virtues once you go that’s path. Maybe other can handle themselves after few drinks but I still don’t recommend it in my relationships, even in friendships this is not good because your friend can change a bit at this point.
You might still be in contact with your ex because of a kid, this might still be a problem in your new relationship .So one of the guy I know simply gave the new potential wife that’s role to deal with his ex for the kid sake and its working well. They don’t meet or talk at all. So figure out your own system so you will not be forced to be hold on to the past.
Has come to an end of today’s insights ,sharing my views doesn’t means you have all tools now to deal with your relationship keep learning from others as well and the most important thing you can have in a relationship is humility and listening skill. Pay attention to things your partner repeats to you, I don’t like this and that’s. And the point is should’ve added is friends influence , once you start a relationship I can recommend not taking advices from friends especially singles ones ,or those who seems to fail to keep a relationship going. Why is that’s they have the most influence on you, I saw a woman’s who cheated and she was about to get married we may never know the whole story but friend is there.
This blog is based on good working friendship by ULwaz No Makhula , friendship is good and it’s important for other people but if you haven’t built that’s brotherhood/ sisterhood friendship really try not to consider their advices. If I’m not in a relationship it’s hard for me to give advices, but I can sympathize with my friend and try to put him/ her on the line by words if I can. Thanks for reading , I would like to hear your views and points you might add below , I want to learn from you as well.